EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE   – Is it really a “Thing”?

There are many people who would argue that Emotional Intelligence is more important than Cognitive Intelligence. I don’t know if that is true or not, but I do believe that the ability to be emotionally intelligent is extremely important – particularly in today’s world. Without going into the depths of theory, let’s have quick look at what we mean when we talk about Emotional Intelligence and a few practical things we can do, to ensure we remain in control of our emotions – particularly in challenging situations.

Here are some examples of Emotional Intelligence in practice:

Being Aware of your Strengths and Using them to Overcome Challenges.

Often, we don’t appreciate the strengths we have. We think we are unable to make a difference, or that our opinion or advice will not be valued or listened to.  We hold back for fear of being ignored or ridiculed.

Our fear may stem from something that happened to us in the past that made us feel useless or inferior. We may not even remember what caused us to feel this way. However, this fear is almost always unfounded. It undermines our confidence and our belief in ourselves. As a result, we hold back and tend not to take risks; we become indecisive or fail to act, all of which can have a negative effect on our emotional state. We may become anxious or panic or avoid situations that we find challenging

To overcome this try taking a step back and think of situations that you have handled well. Things that you are confident doing. Areas of your life where you perform well.

Think of specific examples where you felt proud of something that you had achieved . It doesn’t have to be something that was “earth-shattering” – it just has to be something that was important to you!

Now identify the personal strengths that you used in those examples and situations. Don’t be shy! Be realistic and don’t under-estimate their importance.

Write a list of your strengths. Ask other people who you trust    – “What strength do you see in me?” I predict that you will be genuinely surprised at the comments you receive. Other people often see things in us that we don’t see ourselves!

Then the next time you are faced with a challenge, rather than shy away from it, reflect on your strengths and how you could use them to overcome the challenge! Adopt the attitude – “I’ve faced challenges before, I can do it again!”

Being Aware of your Weaknesses and Making a Plan to Improve upon Them.

Everyone has areas that they would like to improve. No individual is perfect!

You can use the strengths that you have, to help you improve the areas that you consider yourself to be weak in.

Think of examples or situations where, when you look back at them, you wish you could have handled the whole thing better. Ask yourself:

• What was it about that situation that made me uncomfortable?
• What did I do or fail to do?
• What could I have done?
• If faced with a similar situation in the future, what will I do differently?

We have all done things that we regret and if we could re-live that time we would probably wish for a better outcome. What we often fail to do, is learn from our mistakes! Individuals who have high emotional intelligence recognise, acknowledge and accept their areas of weakness and take action to turn those areas into strengths.

Remaining open to Change and Learning New Ways of doing Things.

Change can be threatening to us, particularly when we are being asked (or forced) to accept new ways of doing things. The tendency is to resist the Change – to fight for the status quo. Change can cause us stress and worry because we are unsure of the future!

However, when we open our minds to Change and embrace it, we become encouraged to look beyond the uncertainty and rather than focus on the negative aspects, we can direct our energy towards identifying the benefits of doing something in a different way.

When we outwardly demonstrate our enthusiasm for Change, other people see us in a different light. They become inspired by our actions. Our enthusiasm becomes infectious and their confidence and trust in us increases.

Understanding Others and their Values and Beliefs.

Individuals with high emotional intelligence, recognise the importance of empathy – the ability to “walk in another person’s shoes”. They are genuinely interested in other people and can build strong relationships with them. They make the effort to try to understand them, by finding out what “makes them tick” – their values and beliefs.

This gives them an insight into what is important to the other person and the things they will not compromise on. When we can genuinely consider situations from the other person’s perspective and truly understand them, conflict can disappear and compromise is encouraged. Often when we disagree with someone, we become defensive and an argument can follow. It is ok to have a different opinion to someone else. It doesn’t have to end in conflict. If I disagree with something you say, it doesn’t mean that I don’t like you or respect you. It means – I disagree with you!

Managing Stress Effectively.

The ability to control and manage stress helps us to appear calm in challenging situations. When we show open signs of stress and anxiety, other people can become stressed as a result. Stress leads to panic and indecision. We come over as lacking in confidence and unable to cope and other people have little confidence in us.

Finding ways and techniques to manage stress will help us to project confidence and positivity and help others to remain calm and positive in challenging situations. Remember – In the same way as enthusiasm is infectious, stress is also infectious.

Don’t pass your stress onto others.

Equally do not allow other people to change your mood. Have you ever been in a situation where the whole atmosphere has been changed simply by someone else being present? Have you ever said or thought……….. ” I was in a good mood until you came in. You’ve put me in a bad mood!” I think most of us have been there! In actual fact that other person didn’t put us in a bad mood – we allowed them to influence how we felt! Take control of your own emotions and don’t be negatively influenced by other people!

Taking Care of Yourself so it doesn’t Interfere with your Success.

One of the key areas that many people forget to address is to take care of their own health and mental well-being. It is so important that you take care of yourself. Take action to ensure that you maintain your health and fitness – whatever form that takes and whatever you find works for you. When you take care of your health and well-being, you will feel stronger and more alert. You will face the challenging situations that will undoubtedly arise with power and self-belief.  If you don’t take care of yourself, how are you going to be able to take care of those around you who are important in your life. There is truth in the saying…

“A Healthy Mind in a Healthy Body!”

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